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25 December 2011 @ 11:26 pm
Hey, LJ  
Long time no see. I haven't made an entry in over two years. Last time I was hating college, hating how lonely I was, hating that my life was still as stagnant as it was when i was living at home. What changed? Well, my life is still stagnant. But that's my own childish doing. I've gained a friend in an unexpected person, as I often do, but I'm not a very good friend to them. I've come to find out that I don't really like to be there for people when they need me. I had a scare of potentially flunking out of college, then everything turned out just fine and by some miracle I've managed to make the dean's list.

With that little scare I've realized that I don't appreciate anything my parents do for me. How much money they're spending on school out of their pockets that they don't have. I'm not even going for any scholarships, just procrastinating and doing fuck all sometimes. I'm so separated from my parents now. I don't like to talk to them anymore. I just like to be left alone. It makes them sad and I think it makes them feel kinda lonely. I need to start learning how to get on my own feet and be away from here. I wish I was a better daughter. I wish I could be a better person. At least I don't quite want to kill myself anymore.

This was supposed to be a bit more positive. I'm always saying I really need to get my shit together. And then things happen in which i have to end up saying "i need to get my shit together."

I want to be better.