It's my first year of college. I've already been here for two days and it's already gotten so depressing. I hate meeting new people. It's so awkward for me. I don't know how people do it, how they make it look so easy. I've always been a very quiet person. I'm private, I keep to myself. I am very much so in fact that I think it's a telling point about myself. That part of me is very obvious. I'm awkward around new people, even around people that I consider friends. I don't know how to break the ice. I don't know how to introduce myself to people. I find that people who have a cheery disposition, who look engaging and easy to talk to have a much easier time of meeting people. I have none of those qualities about myself. I don't laugh if I'm not amused, I hate to laugh if it only means to be polite, I don't have a lazy permanent smile on my face as if i'm constantly thinking about little funny tidbits on the edge of my mind. 

I didn't expect to make friends on the first few days, not even the first week. But seeing all my friends from high school on facebook talk about how they love their new roomates and posting pics of them together just frustrates. On top of that my parents are really pressuring me to make new friends. I know they care for me and they want me to have a good time and they also know that I'm not a very social person at all, which is why they keep talking about it. I wish they would stop. But if I tell them that they'll just get even more worried and I really can't deal with that. It'll just make their efforts stronger. Normally, if I was still in high school, I wouldn't worry about it because I can always go home at the end of the day. But here, I have to stay. It gets more and more lonely. I'm afraid of this happening for the rest of my life.

The reason why i'm like this is mostly my own fault. More so than my parents. My parents have always been over protective of me. For a long time, up until high school at least. I wasn't really allowed to go anywhere with friends (not that i was ever invited or allowed myself this). During high school I never went out with any of my friends ever. I've never hung out at the mall for weekends at a time, never went out to eat, never went partying, never had sleepovers, never did anything. For 12 years of schooling all I did was wake up,  go to school, come back home, go to bed, wake up, go to school, go home, go to bed. When I was in 8th grade going into 9th, I wondered how long I could keep that up. 

I've never had true friends, good friends, real good, old friends. I've never cried in front of them, shared secrets with them, call them sister or brother. I've never allowed myself to do any of that stuff. I'm an asshole. It's ridiculous that I'm like this. I'm not that accepting of the people who could "contenders" for being my friends (contender is such a fucking awful word for this). I imagine the kind of people I should be hanging out with, the kind of people that I'd get along fine with. I could never be friends with the peppy girls and boys. I'd bum them out. I couldn't be friends with anyone who's emo or "other definitions of 'alternative'" because even though our interests are always very similar, I don't do emotions. Too many hugs, too much doom and gloom sometimes. I can't even be friends with people of my own race b/c sometimes I don't even identify with being african american. The ones in my area are pretty tipically the same and I"m just too different.  The screening process in my head is so awful. It's really laughable, but this is normal right? Everyone does that right?

Anyway, I'm a big problem unto myself. I wish I could change, I want to. But I also wish I could just be satisfied with the way I am and maybe even find it endearing. Being the quiet one doesn't suck all that much. Hopefully. I don't know if i can wake up, meet people, talk to people, eat breakfast, go to class, talk to friends after, meet more people at dinner, go back to room, hang out with roomates, go to bed.

1.Your Middle Name:

2. Age:

3. Single or Taken:

4. Favorite Movie:

5. Favorite Song:

6. Favorite Band/Artist:

7. Dirty or Clean:

8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:


HERE COMES THE FUN...

1. Do we know each other outside of LJ?

2. What's your philosophy on life?

3. Would you have my back in a fight?

4. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?

5. What is your favorite memory of us?

6. Favorite animal?

7. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:

8. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?

9. Can we get together and make a cake?

10. Favorite TV show?

11. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?

12. Favorite author(s)?

13. Would you drive across Russia with me?

13a. In a decomissioned Soviet tank?

14. Do you think I'm attractive?

15. If you could change anything about me, would you?

16. What do you wear to sleep?

17. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?

18. Favorite flavor of ice cream?

19. If I only had one day to spend with you per year, what would we do together?

20. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

was a bitch.....well at least the very last part. The minute school got out, all of a sudden a torrential downpour started!!!!! No one was expecting it, everyone got wet, there were barely any umbrellas in the crowd. One girl snatched off her weave and put it in her pocket!!!!

This is my last year in high school and i can't wait to get it over with.

One of my favorite artists is a french rapper called MC Solaar. On his album titled mach 6 there's a sensual song called jumelles. It's my favorite song on the whole album so i used both for my username hence: jumelles_mach6

Today was my first day of school. I'm fucking exhausted, so I'm going to wrap my hair and go to bed.

I haven't updated in a really, really long time and here i am!!!!! Nothing interesting  was happening at all, but now i have news. I'm on vacation in the mountains and it's been really great! I went to this independent bookstore called Malaprop's and found.......The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy and other Stories by Tim Burton!!!!!! It was the most awesome find ever!!!!!! I've already read the book online, but I had to have the actual book. I'm a huge fan of Tim Burton and on top of that how can I refuse myself of such a rare find? I also went to the Biltmore Estate and that was really cool. God, I would do anything to live in a place like that!!!!! Looks like i have to get a headstart on my future. When I went to the gardens over there they had giant gourds and cucumbers that were nearly 2-3 feet long. Those things were huge!!!! There were also flowers there that grew from the original roots that goes back all the way to the year 1885!!! It was a really good vacation. Now i have to go and work on my papers that are due in a few days. fuck.

I got this new gackt icon. There are more and they're really hot!!!! They're made by tmrsweety. Not much has been going on this summer, but I'm going on a trip and don't know when I'll be back!

Tomorrow's the BIG DAY!!!!!!!!!!  SKIN, a revolutionary jrock band composed of Gackt, Yoshiki, Sugizo, and Miyavi will be performing at the Anime Expo tomorrow!!!!!!! God, it's like Fate!!!

What are your favorite and least favorite words? Any reasons why?

My least favorite word is weird. I think it's so insensitive. If something is strange you can use much more better words and descritpions like queer.

How well do you know your next-door neighbors?

I don't.

I went to blockbuster yesterday and rented The Queen, History Boys, and Sense and Sensibility. I watched Sense & Sensibility and it was really good. The dialogue was soooooo much easier to understand then Pride & Prejudice. I'm watching the commentary now with Emma Thompson and one of the producers. I hate it when the whole cast isn't involved!!!!!!! I especially hate it when they have the producers, some costume designer, the guy that brought the props, and the screenwriter do the commentaries!!!!!! It's total bullshit!!!!! I'll only ever listen to those kind of commentaries if the movie was reaaaallly good. Next up is going to be The Queen and the last, but not least History Boys. I first heard of History Boys on Veritaserum the Harry Potter website. I've always loved the premise of boys learning and growing under the tutelage of an inspiring faculty of teachers who are learning the about themselves and the line between student and friend. Dead Poets Society I can live without. I wasn't quite with the movie until I read about it New York Times and saw something about one of the boys being gay and their teacher (I thinks its Grffiths) being gay too. Once I read that I was all over it!!!

Oof, I haven't updated in a month. Nothing exciting has really happened. I've mostly been focusing on school. I had a forensics project to do for chemistry. I had to do a poster and write a research paper. The poster sucked ass, but I'm not totally ashamed of it. In class we did an art crawl. Everyone went around the room and wrote comments on a piece of paper about all the posters. We got the most negative comments. What I thought would be totally humiliating was actually somewhat......refreshing. It put a new perspective on things and I learned a great lesson: always bring construction paper! Now I have this other project to do where I have to do research about a world poet. I also have to analyze two of their poems and write two of my own. Both poems have to have a total of 30 lines. The hardest part of the project is finding a poet. It has to be the perfect one. What sucks is that we can't do english poets. I totally had my eye on Christina Rosetti!
    I've been watching all the oscar nominated/winning movies too. I've already seen the devil wears prada, notes on a scandal, volver, the prestige, happy feet, marie antoinette, the curse of the golden flower, monster house, and that's it. Devil wears prada was okay. Meryl Streep's performance didn't really effect me in any way compared to notes on a scandal and volver. She did really good though. Volver was a good movie. I liked how the generations of women learned lessons from one another. Notes on a scandal was soooo good. I think the reason that this movie had a greater effect on me is because of how dramatic it was. Judi Dench and the way she described loniness and the desperate need of having a companion was just..... aaahh. She was bitter, condescending, vindictive, pernicious, and just perfect!!!! The only movies I have left now are:

Little Children
The Queen
Blood Diamond (maybe, not too thrilled about that one)
Half Nelson
Pan's Labyrinth (I've been waiting forever for this one!!!!)
And anything else I can think of. However I will not watch Bobby and I definitley won't watch Borat.

So I went to the mall today and I bought a lot of interesting things that I wouldn't normally get. First I bought Sims 2 seasons and Show your bones by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Ok, that isn't abnormal or anything it's just I'm so happy I got these!!!!!!!! I'm addicted the sims and I love the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. I've been wanting that album for almost a year now. I saw Happy Hollow by Cursive, M83, and Mew too, but I didn't get them because I don't know if Happy Hollow is any good and I didn't want the M83 & Mew albums that were there. Anyway, I also bought a belt and a purse from pacsun, a cute shirt from A&E, and some lotions from bath & body works. Now all that I just listed was unusual for me, especially the lotions.    
    I bought the bag and the belt because I needed a new one of both. Both of them are black and have designs on them. I really love my new bag, it's more me than my old one. My gray one has tassels on it and that's just to girly and impractical. I was thinking about getting a wallet, but I decided against it. I'm kind of stingy with my money. I hate to part with it.
    I went to A&E because it's less preppy and more laid back than aeropostale. What was really weird was in the mall aeropostale & A&E were right across from one another. Are they apart of the same time or is it just some good old fashion marketing competition? I only bought one shirt because I couldn't find anything else I liked (they barely had any mediums in the shirts I wanted) and I was so uncomfortable there. I felt nervous, out of place, and completely out of my element. I went to pacsun after that and I felt so much more comfortable there. It was like a "whoo, I can finally relax."  I liked that experience. I know where I belong now.
    Next I went to bath and body works. This was the most shocking of all because I'm not girly and I don't like scented lotions or sprays. But I've always wanted to buy lotion from here because everyone I know who buys this stuff smells so good. I love going in here because I'm really indecisive  and it's just funny to watch my selecting process. I smelled all the lotions I was interested in and all of the sprays too. I even made my dad (I went to the mall with him. I like spending time with him) to put on one of the lotions because I had already put one on. I ended choosing the japanese blossom lotion. I'm really unsure about this one because I was afraid that because it has flowers in it that it would smell to perfumy. Now I think it does. I've been putting it on and I'm still trying to decide if I like it. I got it becuase it reminds me of my mom. I think it is a little too perfumy. If I finally decide that I don't like it I'll just give it to mom.
    What I forgot to mention was that I bought a book today too. I bought Perfume: Story of a murderer. I haven't seen the movie yet, but I know that I'm going to love the book. I'm so glad they had it. I saw a lot of books that turned into movies there too, like Little Children and the Painted Veil. I also saw this journal in the book store and its cover was oil painted and hand painted. The pages felt so good too. I wanted to get it so bad but writing in journals don't work for me. It's more romantic, but I can't write as fast as i think. I can type as fast though ;).
    I don't know what happended today. I turned into a total girl today. I don't know if my inner girl is coming out or if I'm just growing up. I like to think it's the latter. All in all it was a pretty good day. Probably the best shopping day in a long time.

Yeah, I just now tried to set up a myspace account and it turns out that they don't accept registration with the kind of email address I have. Huh, I guess it was meant to be. It's a  little weird how that happended though because I was thinking as I was setting it up, if someone stops me then I'm not meant to be on myspace. I know that it sounds superstitious, but I think that it was either a very, very strange coincidence or it was fate. Aggghhh, this messed everything up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!